When I try to explain my mental health journey with an analogy, the best one I ever heard goes like this:
Imagine that everyone is born with three cups in their brain. We all know we need to "fill our cups" with energy, meaning we need to replenish our stores of mental, emotional, and physical energy.
We do this by eating, sleeping, and drinking water. We also do this by spending time with friends and family, and by doing things we enjoy. We can also fill our cups by doing things that are good for us, like exercising, meditating, and taking time to relax.
Throughout our lives, there are various things that add to or take away from those cups. Our genes also play a role in how many cups we have, and how full they are. And, for most of us, we don't make it through our childhood without a few adverse experiences—these events that leave holes in our cups.
These holes are different for everyone
There are a variety of holes that can have different effects depending on their size, volume, or location. Most people have 1 or 2 types of holes. Sometimes it's just one big hole, or sometimes it's a small type of hole — but many of them over a long period. Other times, it's a mix of both. But rarely are there none at all.
We can patch these holes up through various coping mechanisms, some healthy, and some unhealthy. But until you properly addressed them, no matter how much you attempt to fill up your cup, there will always be seepage.
But the holes aren't the problem. The problem is that we don't know how to properly address them. We don't know how to properly fill our cups. We don't know how to properly manage our energy.
To first understand how to manage our energy, we need to understand where our energy comes from.
Our energy comes from our early experiences
Our energy comes from our mind, body, and spirit. We need to take care of all three of these things to be healthy. But we can't take care of them if we don't know how to manage our energy. For negative energy, we need to learn how to manage our stress.
For adults living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and other neurodevelopmental disorders, Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are things that happen to us when we’re kids we don’t have control over. They can be things like abuse, neglect, or having a parent who is in jail or behavioral health facilities. These things can affect how we see the world and make it harder for us to trust people.
There are around 10 types of adverse childhood experiences. The more ACEs you have, the more likely you are to have mental health issues. The more ACEs you have, the more likely you are to have a hole in your cup.
My Cup of ACEs
So, even though I've known for a while now that most people encounter 1-2 types of hardship in their lives — who live with one or two types of holes in one of their cups — I've recently learned that was exposed to 9 types of hardship before I turned 17. This included things like physical/emotional abuse, natural disasters, witnessing violence, growing up in a household with substance abuse, growing up in a household with mental illness, and more.
As a result, I have experienced a lot of traumas in my life. I have a lot of holes in my cups. I have a lot of seepage. I have a lot of stress. I have a lot of anxiety.
For too long, I've been using unhealthy coping mechanisms to try to cover up the pain I feel. I've reached a point in my journey where I can't keep using them anymore. It's going to be a slow and difficult process, but I'm going to start a special type of therapy that will last at least six months. This therapy helps me relive, reanimate, and readdress those painful memories. It's going to be tough, but I'm ready to face my pain head-on.
The cups are different for everyone
If you've experienced adverse childhood experiences, it's important to understand them so you can fully heal. By understanding your past, you can move forward into the future with a more whole and integrated sense of self.