Growing up, I was always told what to do.
My parents, teachers, and other authority figures always seemed to have an opinion on what I should do, what I should wear, how I should behave, and what I should think. This led to me feeling like I was constantly confined within a schema, or a set of predetermined rules and expectations that—I didn't understand—but I was obligated to follow. I felt like I was trapped in a box, and I didn't have the freedom to be myself.
My parents are both musicians, and it has always drawn me to music. However, I have always been insecure about my abilities. I was never the best among my peers and I always felt like I was playing catch up. While I had lots of experience with freedom and the expression of listening to music, playing was another story. I often let limiting beliefs about myself prevent me from taking my playing to the level I needed. I didn't understand the rules; I thought. And some of my former teachers reinforced the idea that I wasn't capable of some things like rhythm, or playing by ear.
Thankfully, I was able to break free of some of these schemas with the help of learning to lean into feeling happy with recordings, production, and my abilities.
The subjugation schema
A subjugation schema is a negative, self-defeating belief system that can keep us trapped in a cycle of low self-esteem and poor self-image. This schema can be formed in childhood or adolescence and can be triggered by experiences of rejection, criticism, or failure. Once activated, the schema can distort our perceptions, leading us to see ourselves in a negative and distorted way. This can lead to further feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth.
Dr. Jeffry Young is a psychiatrist who popularized the idea of the subjugation schema, or the idea that people who have experienced trauma are often re-traumatized by the way society responds to them. In their research on PTSD, they has found that many people who have experienced trauma feel like they are not believed or supported by the people around them, which can lead to further trauma.
These common "lifetraps," negative self-beliefs learned early in childhood and usually hard to pinpoint their origin.
Research has shown that people who have experienced trauma are more likely to repress memories of the event than those who have not experienced such trauma. This is due to the fact that the brain is designed to protect us from harm, and when faced with a traumatic event, it will often attempt to protect us by suppressing memories of the event.
The good news is that we can change our subjugation schema. We can start by becoming aware of the thoughts and beliefs that are keeping us trapped. Once we are aware of the schema, we can start to challenge and change these negative beliefs. With time and effort, we can begin to see ourselves in a more positive light and break free from the cycle of low self-esteem.
How music helped me break free of mine
A few years ago, I decided to take a break from music. I needed to step away and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. It was during this time that I realized that all of the self-limiting beliefs I had about my music abilities were just that: beliefs. They were based on the rules that other people had put forth, rules that were meant to describe how music works, not preach specific rules to follow.
I realized that these rules were merely suggestions and mental models, not gospel truth. This realization was liberating and it allowed me to approach music with a fresh perspective. It also helped me to see the beauty in all types of art forms, not just the type that I was used to understanding.
Now, I am more confident in my abilities and I am passionate about music again. I am constantly learning and expanding my skill set. Music is no longer a chore for me; it is something that brings me joy. And all it took was breaking through mental limits I had put on myself.
What worked for me might not work for you
Playing music is a great way to relieve anxiety. But I used to feel guilty about playing my guitar or piano while at work, because I felt like I should be working all the time. But I realized that by denying myself the outlet of music, I was only making my anxiety worse. So now I make time to play whenever I can, and it genuinely helps me relax and de-stress.
This realization allowed me to express myself in ways that I couldn’t otherwise. I soon learned to play along with my favorite songs and let out all of my emotions, and it felt liberating: I realized I didn’t have to conform to the expectations of others; I could be myself and express myself through music.
While what worked for me might not work for you, but you should think about your needs and how you might be denying them. There are certain subjection schema that could be limiting yourself and your potential. You can try to explore these areas on your own to see if they are affecting your life in a negative way. If you find that they are, then you can work on finding ways to change them.
A subjugation schema is a negative and distorted view of oneself that is learned from messages received from others. Music helped me break free of my subjugation schema by providing a positive and affirming message about myself. There are many resources on the web to learn more about subjugation schemas, including books, articles, and blog posts.